SALIGIA
by Dillick
Summary: Pretty simple. Seven chaps. Axel X Roxas. yaoi lemon. Two highschool students suffer through their years of development without parents. Please R&R!
1. SUPERBIA

Author: Dillick

Rating: M

Characteristics: (YAOI: Axel X Roxas, A.U. Lemon)

Disclaimer: I don't own Kingdom Hearts or any of the associated articles. Also I do not own any songs mentioned as they belong to their respective owners.

SALIGIA I. SUPERBIA THEME: "How Soon Is Now?" - Lovesplit

Pride

"Where are you going?" Roxas called.

"Oh calm down. I'm just gonna go get my bag. Gimme five minutes." Axel responded, turning his back on Roxas and walking down a hallway to his left.

Roxas stared at his friend as he briskly walked down the hall, turned, and disappeared up the stairwell. Although Axel was a grade ahead of him, Roxas always found it comforting to have a friend who thought on the same wavelength. While the two were polar opposites emotionally, and had very different personalities, they both knew what loneliness felt like. They were both social outcasts in the world of high school cliques, gangs, and clubs. Having known each other from elementary school, it seemed more so that they chose to break away from their socialite peers, instead of becoming gossip-spreading, money grubbing, class flunking, mood swinging, snobby-bitchy, teenagers. No they were more refined. They were quiet, intellectual, peace-loving, deep-thinking, creative, bad-ass-looking teenagers. And while they didn't fit the mold of what a teenager "should" be… they weren't completely out of the loop, and would often orchestrate quarrels and arguments between cliques from behind the scenes, without even denting their credibility. And yet… for some time now, Roxas had been longing to tell Axel that he wanted to be more than a best friend. He wanted to be… a lover. And as close as they were… he wanted to be that much closer. But his shyness and fear of rejection kept holding him back.

"Got it!" Axel informed, spinning around once to show the black and red bag strapped firmly to his back.

Axel was taller and had broader shoulders than Roxas. His spiky pomegranate hair came down to his shoulders, but was slicked back into what appeared to be a very edgy lion's mane. His face was slender and bore sharp angles and a slightly sloping jaw. His skin was pale, which only helped to accentuate his bizarrely beautiful turquoise irises. Thick black eyelashes sprouted in long slanting lines around his cat-like eyes. Axel was very slender, but toned and well proportioned for his height. He was the more coordinated, more outwardly spoken, callous, aggressive member of the duo. His silver-tongue could always smooth over any choppy seas, but… if ever talking wasn't enough, his unusual dress, apathetic disposition, and intense conviction made it clear that he could not be stopped.

"You said five minutes." Roxas replied, smirking a bit.

"That was five minutes."

"Six minutes and twenty-seven seconds." Roxas said pointing at the watch on his wrist. They both laughed.

Although shorter, Roxas still had a look that was all his own. His brown-blond locks poked up in disheveled spikes. His face was a bit rounder than Axel's, but looked more square-shaped, with his sloping at a slightly broader angle. His youthful expressions were often hidden behind his stoic face of stone, but somehow, Axel could lure out those tender child-like expressions that Roxas emitted so well. Roxas had soft light-peach skin that fit his young figure well. His sea blue eyes, were round and glittered like blue topaz. Although Roxas was usually very reserved, and often times timid, when it was just the two of them, Roxas became vibrant, energetic, and even… sensitive. He didn't handle others well, but the side of him that Axel knew was well worth any amount of money the world could offer.

"Ready to go?" Axel asked.

Placing a finger to his chin and pondering, Roxas smiled and then responded. "Yup!"

"Alright let's go!" And the two walked out the door, beginning their trek to Axel's house. Roxas had decided. It was time to let his voice be heard.

~D~

Hours later Roxas was rummaging through Axel's walk-in closet as he always did after school. Axel was lying on his bed, rambling about random things in an almost philosophical way. Things that happened during the day usually came out in such ramblings, as that was how he divulged how he was feeling to Roxas. Roxas, a born multi-tasker, would always listen while exploring Axel's belongings. Often times he'd borrow something or find something that Axel didn't mind giving him. They often traded items and swapped clothes as they had the same tastes and were about the same sizes although Axel's clothes were usually a size bigger, so they fit semi-loose on Roxas' slight form… but the look was still bold and Roxas liked Axel's clothes. For some reason, the sweet musk scent that could only be Axel always seemed to seep into his clothes and linger. The scent always made Roxas' heart beat just a little bit faster.

"And then, there's the idea that popularity denotes inner beauty, when really there's not a goddamn beautiful person at that frickin' hell hole of a high school." Axel finished, ranting at the ceiling as he spoke. Listening to that last comment, Roxas decided to speak.

"What about me?" His voice came small from inside the closet.

Axel turned his head to look at Roxas, not having heard clearly. "Huh?"

"I said… What about this?" Roxas lifted a cloak-like black hoody, so as to divert the attention again.

"Oh. Sure Rox, you know my stuff is your stuff." Axel breathed, turning his head to face the ceiling again. His chest heaved up and down as his respiration continued.

Glad that he'd changed the subject, but still disappointed that he'd not said what was on his mind, Roxas spoke in his soft and clear voice.

"Do you hate it that much?"

"Yeah…" Axel mumbled, dozing off a tad.

"Even… me?" Roxas asked in a near whisper. It was soft, it was fragile, and it was direct… exactly the way Roxas always sounded when something important was eating away at his mind.

Axel was dragged out of drowsiness by the inquiry. "Of course not…"

It was softer than Axel normally spoke, so Roxas knew it was the truth. "Oh."

"You and me. We're the only one's who understand…" Axel began, but didn't finish.

"Axel…" Roxas muttered, but the redhead was silently sleeping.

Roxas came out and sat next to his slumbering comrade, petting his hair while he slept, as he always did. Axel rolled over, turning so that he faced Roxas. He was just beginning to nap, and knew that Roxas was soothing him. Roxas kept petting, humming a soft tune as he continued, and wondering when he'd actually have the guts to say how much he cared for Axel. It wasn't pressing, but he needed to say it before his emotions swallowed him whole. Somehow… but right now… something was holding him back…

TBC

A/N: Ok straight forward, you're probably looking at the title and going wtf? But it will all make sense in the end I pinky promise! Also I included one of my favorite items, a theme… which in my own definition, is a little tune that inspired me and helped me push through writing this piece, so if you would like you can listen to he song while reading or whatever. But I figure the musical artists inspired me so why not give them some props too ya know?

Okay … ttyl… and don't forget to R&R!

Dillick

AKA

~Dilly~


	2. AVARITIA

Author: Dillick

Rating: M

Characteristics: (YAOI: Axel X Roxas, A.U. Lemon)

Disclaimer: I don't own Kingdom Hearts or any of the associated articles. Also I do not own any songs mentioned as they belong to their respective owners

SALIGIA II. AVARITIA

THEME: "This World" – Zero 7

Greed

Blurry… everything was blurry. Blinking and bringing his vision into focus, Axel awakened. Looking up he saw his white spackled ceiling. Smiling softly he turned to his left to see those slender digits tangled in his mess of crimson tresses. Inhaling, that sickeningly sweet aroma coated his nostrils and made him salivate. It was something sweet, delectable, and rich like… banana bread, ginger snaps, or chocolate chip cookies fresh from the oven. Something sweet, something familiar… Roxas. Reveling in the scent, Axel closed his eyes and emitted a sound caught half way between a groan and a purr. Turning his head and opening his closed lids, he took in every detail there was to take in. The black paint that coated his walls, the dull smoke-colored carpets, the open closet door, the warm fingers in his hair, the setting sun's rays slinking through the open window-shades, the sound of Roxas' light snoring, Roxas' beautiful air catching the luminescence and refracting it in a shimmering gold hue, the gentle up and down motions of the younger boy's chest, the tingling sensation Axel could feel in the pit of his stomach, and of course that infectiously exotic smell.

Gazing up at Roxas who was slumped in a sitting position on the edge of the bed, apparently having fallen asleep, Axel sighed. He was content. Feeling exhilarated by the feel of it all, Axel turned his head and kissed Roxas' fingers tenderly. Axel had always been infatuated with Roxas, having adopted him as his only true confidante. It was simple. Plain as day. Although they were different in many ways, they shared the same goals, the same concepts, the same feelings of isolation, desolation, and mental stimulation. They both lived in similar situations, parentless, friendless, and virtually… meaningless? They both grew up facing these things. But at least they grew up facing them together. And not only was Roxas similar, but he actually listened to Axel's endless ramblings about life, meaning, existence, identity, and all the things that make the world go round. He actually listened… and no one had done that before. But… there was no way of telling how Roxas would feel if Axel ever did spill his guts. And nothing was worth losing Roxas.

"Mmmmm…" Roxas mumbled, stirring from his short nap.

"Ah so you're awake!" Axel said in his gruff sleepy voice, trying to play off his previous kissing actions.

"Yeah… mmm… What time is it?" Roxas asked, pulling his hands up to rub at his eyes.

"Its just now 7:00. Do you gotta get home now?"

"I really don't feel like going."

"You wanna stay?" Axel was excited by the idea of Roxas spending the night, but he didn't let it read on his face.

"Yeah. Is that alright?" Roxas looked down at the floor, suddenly finding a certain patch on the left of his right shoe to be particularly interesting (sarcasm).

"Yeah. It's perfectly fine!" Axel nearly jumped for joy at the opportunity to spend a night with Roxas. Even if he wouldn't _REALLY_ get to spend the night with Roxas.

"Thanks!" Roxas replied. He would tell him tonight. He had to… it had to be said. He had to tell Axel how he felt.

~D~

"So what do you want for dinner?" Axel asked, peering into the yellow light of the open refrigerator.

"What's on the menu?" Roxas asked with a cheeky smile. He sat down at the mahogany dinner table, positioning himself so that his chest was pressed to the chair's back as he sat. The dining room/kitchen was small and homey, but at least it was always full of fresh food to eat. Axel worked during the weekends as an intern for a high-paying fashion agency. His job was rather tedious, as he only worked with managing files, updating databases, compiling paperwork and such, but at least he could afford to live on his own.

"Hm… well do you want some pasta salad or perhaps a nice vegetable soup?"

"Can we have grilled cheese samiches with the soup?"

"Samiches? Ha ha… I guess… If that's what you want." Axel smiled at Roxas' cute way of saying sandwiches

Axel went straight to work, busying himself with preparing the food while making conversation. His hands seemed to autonomously know how to properly fix food without him having to do the slightest bit of thinking. He knew where everything was in his kitchen, even if Roxas had gotten curious and moved something or forgot to put something back in its proper space. Even Roxas had to admit that Axel was the best damn cook he'd ever seen.

"So Roxas, what are you gonna do over the summer? School's nearly out, summer vacation is on its way, so you gotta have some kind of game plan, right?"

"Well… I was wondering if I could… stay here during the summer?"

Axel froze. "Here? What's up?"

Roxas breathed a deep sigh. "My guardian doesn't want me living there anymore. He really doesn't… want to be bothered with me anymore."

Roxas looked down, and Axel felt his heart plummet. "Of course you can stay here Rox."

"Really?" Roxas looked up, feeling his heart race.

"But first thing's first. We gotta get you outta that house. I'll clear it with your guardian. He should be ecstatic. Then we'll pack up your things and move you in. It's kinda small and you'll probably have to share my room until I clear out the spare room."

"Oh wow! Thanks Axel!" Roxas was glad that he'd at least gotten that off his chest. But his bigger issue was still struggling to break the surface.

"Then after you're all moved in, we'll work on getting' you a job so that you can help pay the rent and get groceries. It'll be like a sleepover."

_It'll be like we're newlyweds_. Axel thought to himself as he chopped carrots to go into the broth.

Axel had always thought of Roxas as a kindred spirit, sharing and having grown up with so many of the same struggles and tribulations. IT was only natural that the two of them banned together and looked out for each other. They'd known each other since early childhood, and had grown ever so close. They were like…

~D~FLASHBACK~D~

It was a bright and sunny day during May. Axel was in 3rd grade, walking the perimeter of the fence on the elementary school's playground. Massive white clouds gently cruised across the sky as Axel stood in the shade of a dense bush that was thriving on the rusty chain link fence. Most of the other kids were out on the field playing tag or football, or drawing on the asphalt, playing jacks, everything else… But Axel was different.

"They don't understand…" Axel huffed.

"Understand what?" A voice called from nearby.

Axel looked up to see his friend Roxas sitting in the shade a few feet down the fence.

"They don't understand what it's like to be alone."

"What do you mean?" Roxas asked, crawling over since he'd been sitting down and didn't feel like getting to his feet.

"They don't know what it's like to have nobody." Axel looked down, pulling his knees close to his stomach.

"Who's alone?"

"I am…"

"No you're not!" Axel turned his gaze up to see that Roxas was staring back at him with an endearing smile.

"Thanks, Rox." Axel muttered, chuckling a little through his teary eyes.

"Hey are you crying?"

"Naw, I just got somethin' in my eye." Axel stated, rubbing his tear into his sleeve.

At that moment, a small white flower fell from the bush that they were sitting under and into Roxas' hair. "What's this?"

"What's what?"

"This flower. What is it?" Roxas asked, holding the small bud delicately between his forefinger and thumb.

"Oh. That's a honeysuckle."

"Why's it called a honeysuckle? It doesn't look like there's any honey in it."

"It's because they smell sweet. Like honey."

"Oh!" Roxas took a deep whiff. "Oh wow they are sweet! But…" Roxas looked down.

"What is it?"

Roxas sniffed at the flower again. "The others can't smell the honeysuckles. They're so far away."

Axel thought about it a moment. "Yeah. They're so wrapped up in their games. They don't even know that this bush is here. Not the bush. Not us."

Roxas frowned at first, but after a moment of thought, he smiled.

"Then we're like honey suckles, huh?"

"What do you mean?" Axel scratched his head.

"Well. Nobody sees us. Nobody knows about us. We're a secret. And even though nobody knows we're here… we're still nice. And… we're still sweet, even if we are far away from everyone else. And look! There's so many honeysuckles… we can never be lonely with this man friends just like us!"

Axel thought about it and then smiled. "You're right Rox! We are like honeysuckles!"

"I just hope we can stay sweet forever."

"I'm sure we will." assured Axel.

That was the year they figured out how similar they were. That was the year they promised to be best friends forever.

~D~FLASHBACK~D~

And we still are like honeysuckles. We've grown so much since then, and yet… we're still the same. Always growing up on the rustiest chain link fence, far out of the sight of our peers, without parents, without playgrounds, without games. No… we're something better. We're a secret. We're… sweet,,.,

Axel had drifted off into a world of nostalgia. Roxas didn't mind though, He was quite busy with his own thoughts. His mind was scrambled, trying to summon enough courage, enough strength, enough pride to tell Axel how he felt. But then again… to divulge such feelings to his best friend and then expect some sort of acceptance or even acknowledgement of the existence and validity of those emotions… that would be asking for far too much,

TBC

A/N: 2nd chap is fin. Special thanx to Kawaii Neko XIII for the inspiration! I wanted to make this chapter sort of soft (which is not my style since I'm a very very very very hard person). I hope this chap gave you a WFF and perhaps that will urge you to Review… or tell me that I suck at writing soft stuff… that's ok too… I luvs tough love…ok ttyl R&R!

Dillick

AKA

~Dilly~


	3. LUXURIA

Author: Dillick

Rating: M

Characteristics: (YAOI: Axel X Roxas, A.U. Lemon)

Disclaimer: I don't own Kingdom Hearts or any of the associated articles. Also I do not own any songs mentioned as they belong to their respective owners

SALIGIA III. LUXURIA

THEME: "Beauty" - Ladytron

Lust

"Hey Axel…" Roxas spoke, raising his azure irises to meet Axel's jade one's.

"Yes."

"Do you… I mean… do you think…"

"What is it Roxas?" Axel returned his gaze to the pot of soup that he was stirring, but his full attention was devoted to his best friend.

"Do you… ever get lonely?" the nervousness took him. What he'd wanted to say was 'Do you love me?' or 'Do you think we could be more than friends', but naturally his nerves got the best of him.

"Me? Nah… I'm never alone… I mean… I have you. I could never be lonely." Axel smiled and turned to look at Roxas, who was completely flattered by the statement. His heart was racing, he wanted to say it, but his pride kept getting in the way.

What if he never wants to speak to me again? What if he hates me? What if… he leaves me alone?

Roxas couldn't fight the thoughts that were infecting his brain, causing the feelings of safety and security to decay and mold like a festering wound. His heart was bleeding, wanting, yearning for an end to his questions but… at what price would he seek the answers? How much of his soul would he put on the line in order to get what he wanted? Would he risk his best friend? His only friend? Decidedly not.

"Soup smells good." Roxas smiled-half-heartedly. There was nothing to smile about. He was suffering on the inside, as he'd done many times before. This time was different though, because it was all over his best friend, and there was nothing he could do about it.

"Yeah. I wanted to make it special since you're staying the night. Ha ha! Not that crap I eat on a day-to-day basis."

"HEY! That crap you eat is good!" Roxas tried to stow his thoughts.

"It's not half-bad." Axel smiled, serving up a warm bowl for Roxas, placing his grilled-cheese sandwiches on a small plate to accompany the soup.

"Not half-bad? You know everything you make is delicious!" argued Roxas.

"Yeah yeah…" Axel grinned, finishing with the serving, before pulling out two glasses and filling them with iced-tea.

Axel sat down with the drinks, sitting across the table from Roxas, and turning the television on so that they could watch the news while eating their dinner and chatting.

"Yeah yeah… that's what you always say." Roxas chuckled.

"Yeah yeah…"

~D~

As dinner drew to a close, the sun could be seen setting on the horizon. Roxas had not dared try to voice his question since his earlier attempt. Intuition told him that it would not be the best topic for dinner conversation. Axel took the dirty dishes and placed them in the sink to soak after they were both finished eating. Roxas feared what he wanted to say. Would it be too much?

"How was dinner?" Axel asked from the sink.

"It was really good! You'll have to teach me how to cook like that!"

"A chef never reveals his secrets!"

Roxas snickered. "Isn't that magicians?"

Axel laughed too. "Well then. A chef never reveals his recipes."

"Yes they do! They do it on the cooking channel all the time!" Roxas was really laughing now.

"Huh?" Axel had forgotten about that. "Oh. Well then you can watch them!"

"Hey that's not fair! Roxas replied, putting on his best pout.

Axel couldn't deny that the boy's expression was rather cute. "Fine. I'll teach ya! But… then you'll have to make dinner every once in a while."

"HEY!" Roxas barked.

"It's only fair. So we can uh…. test your culinary technique."

"Ha-ha-ha…" Roxas mocked.

At this point, if he asked for anything else, Roxas would surely be in karma's debt or the rest of his youth.

_Axel… can't you see that I want you? Can't you see that I want to be… yours? I always want to be here or you…_

~D~FLASHBACK~D~

Last year, in the middle of fall, when the school year was just beginning, Roxas entered his first year of high school, as a freshman. Axel was starting his year as a sophomore. It was during the second week of school, when Axel's disposition towards everyone seemed to change. He even strayed away from Roxas, pushing everyone away and building walls around himself. Axel wouldn't talk, wouldn't call, wouldn't even remain seated next to Roxas for five-minutes without bolting. Roxas could tell something was wrong.

At that time, Axel had been living with his estranged step dad, who had been taking care of him since his biological went off the radar, and his mother died of cancer. She had become ill before Axel and Roxas met, and had died during the summer of Axel's sixth grade year. Since that moment, Axel's step dad took care of him, having gained legal guardianship, but… that didn't mean things were well and good. Axel's step dad became an alcoholic after his lover's death. Once he was inebriated, it was like he became a different person. There were nights where Axel was unsure whether he'd be able to take it. But the episodes came and went, and there was usually only one such outburst per month. Axel could live with that, but Roxas knew that living in such conditions would only help to destroy Axel.

It was one day, on that second week, during Roxas' algebra class that Axel actually communicated with him via text message.

Axel Hey… Roxas…

Roxas Yeah Axe?

AxelI'm really sorry. I mean for avoiding you.

Roxas Don't be. I'm not mad.

Axel… he tried to…

Roxas He tried to what? He who?

Axel My step dad. He tried to touch me.

Roxas You mean he tried to hit you???

Axel No. He tried to have sex with me.

Roxas WHAT?!?! WHEN?!?! WHY DIDN'T YOU TELL ME!?!?

Axel Sunday night… I was… scared.

Roxas Scared? Of what? Of him?

Axel No. Of what you might think.

Roxas What? What I might think?

Axel Yea. I thought you might think I was weak…

Roxas Weak? Why would I think you're weak? Axel… The only reason I mad is because you didn't tell me. I've been you're best friend for the longest time now. Of all people, you should know that you can trust me.

Axel yea… I ran away. I came back though, and told him what he did. HE didn't even remember.

Roxas That's not safe! You can't stay with him like that!

Axel I know. He knows too. He's gonna let me move out on my own. He's paying for the first year's rent, but after that I have to pay it myself. Anything to be away from him.

Roxas Axe. You know I'm here for you. If you need anything… tell me.

Axel Can you… stay with me the first night? I'm kind of scared to be in that house alone.

Roxas no problem. I'll ask tonight. When are you moving in?

Axel As soon as possible. Probably within the next week if I'm lucky. Not much to move, ya know?

Roxas… Axel… how far did he get?

Axel … I'll tell you later.

Roxas You don't have to tell me if you don't want to.

Axel No. I want to.

Roxas Are you sure?

Axel You're my only friend. I have to tell you. You'll be the only one to know…

Roxas had noticed that Axel didn't come in on Monday, but he figured he was just sick. Now he was frightened for his friend. Who could do such a horrible thing? Then again, what exactly had he done? Questions taunted Roxas even as he helped Axel move into his new home. Of course, his step dad helped him move. During the move, Roxas really wanted to say so many things to Axel's step dad… but he couldn't. It wasn't his affair, and in reality he didn't even know what had gone on. But the point was clear. Axel felt he was in jeopardy, and no one, not even his stepfather, should make him feel that way. So there Roxas was, trying to protect his best friend, the only way he knew how.

~D~FLASHBACK~D~

No, Roxas had to be here. He had to stay with Axel, but…. He couldn't open the wounds left by Axel's stepfather. To even admit to having such feelings would only worsen the way things were. Axel couldn't afford another protector turned pervert. It wasn't worth it. Roxas felt his mind at ease when he'd decided not to disturb his friend with such feelings. But… His heart kept floundering, faltering, lusting to tell Axel that he loved him. But the words wouldn't come out. He'd be too greedy to ask for so much from his best friend. And his pride would be sorely damaged if Axel rejected him… or worse went into an episode brought on by memories. Nothing was worth losing his friend… no amount of desire was worth it.

TBC

A/N: And the 3rd chap comes to a close. I hope the story is making sense so far… I really wanted the character's to seem more life-like, by not just having sweet, mild, soft scenes, ya know? Oh, before I forget. Special thanks to inspiration, Kawaii Neko XIII, for pushing me to write this…. Although I'm still waiting on the first chapter of his next fic… and for him to break his hiatus on his older story…. But beggars can't be choosers. So I hope you enjoyed this chapter, and I'll see ya with the next post. Please tell me what you though. R&R.

Dillick

AKA

~Dilly~


	4. INVIDIA

Author: Dillick

Rating: M

Characteristics: (YAOI: Axel X Roxas, A.U. Lemon)

Disclaimer: I don't own Kingdom Hearts or any of the associated articles. Also I do not own any songs mentioned as they belong to their respective owners

SALIGIA IV. INVIDIA

THEME: "Landslide"-Stevie Nicks

Envy

As the sun was setting on the horizon, Roxas stepped out onto the back patio, where the view was best. Looking out past the smooth wooden railing, Periwinkle flowers grew in the yard, a crow was perched in one of the three hazel trees that was growing in the yard, and the sky was ablaze with red-orange rays of light. The moon appeared blue-silver in the sky. The sun was sinking as Roxas gazed out, contemplating his dilemma.

_What am I gonna do? _

"Hey Rox, you ok?" Axel stepped out onto the deck, noticing that his friend had been acting strangely all evening.

"Um yeah…" Roxas lied, refusing to turn around to look at Axel.

"That doesn't sound ok. What's on your mind?"

"It's… it's nothing."

"Roxas." Axel came up to the railing, looking out on the horizon alongside his companion. "Tell me."

"I… It's not important." Roxas couldn't let the words leave his mouth. It was almost certain death.

"I won't pressure you. But we've known each other so long… I didn't think that there'd ever be a secret between us."

"That's not it!" Roxas yelped, turning his bewildered blue eyes to face Axel.

"Then what is it?" Axel sighed, setting his gaze on the sliver of sun that was left fading below the belt of the skyline.

"It's- It's…"

~D~FLASHBACK~D~

The sunset was blazing in the sky as Roxas prepared to leave Axel's new place. They'd moved the few boxes of Axel's belongings into the house, the stepfather had left, and Roxas was preparing for sleep. Axel was already in nightclothes and furtively curled up in bed. Squeezing in next to his buddy, Roxas realized that Axel was quite warm in comparison to the cold of the empty house. Turning over so that he was looking directly into Axel's deep green eyes, he couldn't help but feel their friendship growing stronger by the second, until it didn't seem friendship at all.

"Roxas. Thank you."

"For what?"

"Staying here with me." Axel looked so innocent that Roxas had to restrain himself from making any out of character remarks.

"You know I would never leave you alone."

"Never?" Axel asked, raising a single brow.

"Whenever you need me, I'll be here."

"Haha. I'll hold you to it." Axel grinned and then it slowly faded into a grimace.

"What's wrong?"

Axel frowned and then after a long exhalation, he recounted the tale of what had happened between him and his stepfather. As it turns out, Axel had not only been molested, but he had in fact been raped. Roxas couldn't help his emotions as he cried in the bed alongside Axel, who neither cried, nor trembled. He simply held Roxas close, wiped away the tears, and rocked both of them to sleep. It was during that night, that Roxas truly realized how deeply he felt about Axel. And it was also on that night, that he'd decided he could not do a thing about it.

~D~FLASHBACK~D~

"Roxas. I've known and trusted you longer than anyone else. I can't accept that there's anything that would come between us."

"I... Axel.. I can't tell you."

"So… that's how it is then…" Axel sighed and looked down over the railing. Feeling he couldn't do anything else, he turned around and began walking back inside.

"Axel I…" Axel stopped midstep. "I love you…" A tear slipped down Roxas' cheek as those dreaded words left his lips. Like arrows doused in slow moving venom, they pierced Axel, taking moments before he slowly succumbed to realization. Roxas regretted those words as soon as he spoke them.

TBC

A/N: Okay so shortest chappie ever I know. Also a cliffhanger, I know. BUT… I chose this theme, 1 'cause I felt it had the right emotion for this chap, and 2 because it's one of the few songs that can actually make me cry. So naturally, I had to make this chap the sort of pivot point. Everything changes from here on out… Kinda strayed from the over all theme, and I think next chap it will be hard to get back on track, but the chap after, I will begin to tie things up! Please R&R! (that means you too Kawaii Neko XIII!) Thanx!

Dillick

AKA

~Dilly~


	5. GULA

Author: Dillick

Rating: M

Characteristics: (YAOI: Axel X Roxas, A.U. Lemon)

Disclaimer: I don't own Kingdom Hearts or any of the associated articles. Also I do not own any songs mentioned as they belong to their respective owners

SALIGIA V. GULA

THEME: "Fields of Gold"- Sting

Gluttony

There it was. Out in the open. Exposed. Roxas was sure that he'd thrown the apple of discord, now all he could do is watch it roll into Axel's hands. He trembled, feeling the cosmos spin out of control into a boundless chaos. As though all the dark energies that exist in the world were swallowing his very soul as those words departed his mouth.

"I… forget I said it… please…." Roxas began to sob. His knees buckling beneath his weight, he slumped to the wooden deck.

"…" Axel was listless as he listened to the utterance of those words.

"I'm sorry…" Roxas' tears stained the wooden boards beneath him. His head was bowed so that it appeared that he was groveling at Axel's feet. And in fact, he was pleading for Axel to forget. But he couldn't.

The last sliver of sun was dissolving on the horizon as the two forms stayed set on the patio. Axel was bubbling over with emotion, but he couldn't bring himself to unleash the torrent of strong feelings upon Roxas. This was his best friend… his only friend. And yet those three words still buzzed like a gnat in his ear. They were digging into his ear, into his thoughts, into his soul. They were mingling with the butterflies in his gut until suddenly like an eruption; he spat forth everything that had been bottled up.

"Roxas… I feel that way too. I love you. And I never want you to leave me. And I want to be with you as long as I live. And I want to look into those eyes everyday. And I want to hold you while you sleep. And I want to grow up with you. And I want to tell you everything. And … And… And… I love you…" Axel trailed off, looking down at his friend who was still quivering upon the deck. His hands were clenching the deck.

"What?" Roxas blurted out. He was completely confused. He had been expecting the absolute worst. What he got was something totally unexpected.

"I-LOVE-YOU." Axel stated promptly.

"But- But… what about?"

"What about what?" Axel smiled, looking down at Roxas who was now looking up at him.

Roxas looked back down and mumbled. "What about what your step father put you through?"

Axel frowned a bit. Then with a shake of his head, he smiled, kneeled down so that he and Roxas were at eye-level, and then he laughed. "That's in the past. I told you… because you're the only one who I can trust. You're the only one who ever made me forget. That's all I want."

"Huh?" Roxas stared into Axel's sea green eyes.

"All I've wanted was to forget. To feel… normal, ya know? And… when I'm with you, I don't remember it. Heck, half the time I can't even remember my name when I'm around you. And when I talk… you actually listen. You understand, because you've been just like me for so long. Whenever I'm with you, I'm relaxed. Nobody else can do that but you. And that's why… I never want to be without you." Axel couldn't help but let a tear slip from the corner of his eye. He didn't understand why, but he knew that he couldn't hold anything in anymore.

The sun was now completely out of sight, and the sky was a beautiful blue-violet. The stars could be seen glimmering brightly above. Crickets were humming their eloquent songs. Roxas and Axel were both smiling and both crying as they sat there on the deck.

"Ha ha ha ha…." Axel was laughing.

"What's funny?" Roxas couldn't help but smile.

Axel wiped the tears from his face and flashed his biggest grin. "Why are we crying?"

Roxas laughed at that. "I don't know!"

The boys both laughed for a long while before returning to their feet. Roxas turned and looked out over the balcony. Axel stood behind him, looking out from over his shoulder. The breeze was still comfortably warm and smelled of lavender and fresh air. Axel couldn't help but breathe in deeply that all too familiar sticky sweet scent that Roxas always held. Roxas didn't mind the fact that Axel's chest was pressed against his back. In fact, it felt rather enjoyable as they stood, looking out at the evening.

"Axel look!" Roxas opened his mouth in awe and pointed his index finger out at the hundreds of glowing orbs that were swirling about in the summer air.

"Fireflies." Axel smiled, wrapping his arms around to meet with Roxas'. Their fingers laced together in an odd, yet natural feeling grip.

"Their so pretty." Roxas murmured. He liked this feeling of closeness… of safety.

"Yeah. It's like their dancing."

"That's cute." Roxas smiled.

"What?" A tomato-red blush crossed Axel's features.

"You." Roxas smiled and leaned his head back into Axel's shoulder, feeling the warmth of his friend much more inviting than it had been.

"If you say so." Axel breathed, allowing his fingers to rub gently between Roxas'.

The two boys watched as the clusters of intermittently flickering insects tumbled and zigzagged whimsically through the night air. The full moon glowed a pale incandescent radiance that could only be described as romantic. The soft whispers of wind grew slightly colder, but not unbearably so. A few soft wispy clouds slowly crept along the heavens, but for the most part the celestial bodies were easily visible. Roxas laughed. Everything felt so perfectly out of place, that there was nothing else he could say. Axel was warm and embracing him. He'd never noticed how much bigger Axel's hands were in comparison to his own, until now.

"Hey Axe?"

"Yeah Rox?"

"Don't ever leave me."

"I was thinking the exact same thing."

"I won't if you won't." Roxas snickered.

"Then we won't." Axel reaffirmed. Roxas didn't know why, but something about the way Axel said "we" made him tingle inside. As if he had said some magic word that could instantly make Roxas melt in his arms.

"You ok?" Axel asked, feeling Roxas go semi-limp in his arms.

"Yeah." Roxas chuckled, coming back to his senses. "I'm just fine. Now that I have you."

Axel chuckled too. "You've always had me… and you've always been fine."

Roxas closed his eyes. He was trying to memorize every little detail, every tiny fragment that composed this moment. The crickets chirping. The lavender scent. The cool air. Fireflies mating. The full moon shining. And of course, Axel's hands neatly betwixt his own. It was almost too rich, too extravagant, too much for his senses. But only almost… and that was just enough. That moment was just enough. That moment was love.

But the night hadn't ended there… rather… that moment was just the beginning of an unforgettable night.

TBC

A/N: Okay so yet another short chapter. But on the flipside I ended the cliffhanger suspense! This time I sort of randomly ran into the theme, got reacquainted, and remembered how much I love it! Many of the details sort of came to me as I was listening. Trust me… this story does not have an M rating for nothing… I still have another two chapters to go! Things'll heat up fast I promise! Just hang on with me, k? Please R&R (can't explain how important it is to hear from you!) and thanks so much!

Dillick

AKA

~Dilly~


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